Legendas (99)
0:00you know how when people get into a new relationship they go through a honeymoon
0:04phase well me and my girlfriend went through uh is the person i'm dating a deranged murderer phase
0:10when she first came over to my house she thought my nintendo figure collection was something only a
0:15psychopath would have and she's right when you've been living alone for so long
0:20sometimes you just need to buy friends and put them on display and sometimes you do this by
0:25turning people into lampshades or chairs luckily i just collect hunky reptile figures gif doesn't
0:32actually think i'm a psychopath anymore which is good you know because i don't want anyone to know
0:37the truth however early on in our relationship there were some things i did that she didn't like
0:42like one time i was unloading the dishwasher and i was putting away the knives and gift looked at me
0:46all concerned and i asked what's the matter huh i don't know what made her run to the other side of
0:50the room like that when i could clearly just throw the knife at her yeah she's kind of stupid but she
0:56definitely got her point across that she didn't like me holding multiple knives and told me to cut
1:01it out but i didn't know if she was a psychopath either though because there are definitely some
1:05things about her that made me question her sanity like how she owns a two thousand dollar
1:10animal mascot costume but she hates sports that's weird one time when i was over at her apartment i
1:16was looking through her freezer assuming she had bagel bites and i asked hey babe uh where's all
1:21the bagel bites and there was this plastic grocery bag in there and she tells me no no don't look in
1:26there we don't have any bagel bites you ate them all remember but in my mind all i'm thinking is
1:30hold on what the frick does this chick have in her freezer that she doesn't want me to see a freezer
1:35is not a place where you tell someone don't look in there you say that about underwear drawers and
1:40toilets that's it i don't know what we did for the next 10 minutes cause all i was thinking about was
1:45how many severed hands were in gif's freezer but then i thought okay maybe i'm overreacting
1:51i optimistically asked hey um babe are you um perhaps keeping a surprise for me in the freezer
2:00like a birthday cake my birthday's not for another five months but that's the only thing i
2:04could think a person would hide in a freezer that wouldn't make them a psychopath and she said nope
2:13so what's in there don't worry about it do you not see how this looks if the doors were
2:19unlocked i would have been out of there i wasn't about to lose sleep over this so i
2:22held up the knife i had from the previous joke and said what's in the freezer and she went
2:28it's a dead snake you had a dead snake next to the bagel bites so fun fact about my gif she owns
2:38eight snakes apparently she used to own nine i've learned that snakes are a very low maintenance pet
2:44you only have to feed them once every three years and if you cut them in half they turn
2:47into two snakes yeah so i have no clue how one of her snakes could have died and another fun fact
2:53snakes lack the part of the brain that feels love they're physically incapable of showing affection
2:58so your pet hognose would sell your soul to snake satan for one dead mouse so she already has eight
3:04pets that don't love her and potentially her boyfriend too if she doesn't get rid of that
3:08freezer snake at least my reptiles aren't dead in a freezer i immediately start asking questions
3:13why do you have a dead snake in your freezer how many other dead animals are in your freezer what
3:17the heck's wrong with you and she said i wanted to get him taxidermied but the person i wanted
3:22to have do it was busy also there's dead rats in there for my snakes well that explains why the
3:28bagel bites tasted so funny what's extremely gross is that the snake is still in there to this day i
3:34don't know how long the snake was in there before but it's been well over a year since that incident
3:39it's honestly great though because now she can never complain about the state of my refrigerator
3:44i'll have potatoes that are sprouting more potatoes grapes that are getting me tipsy
3:48and if she points any of it out i just respond with oh you think my refrigerator is disgusting
3:54yeah medusa uh-huh one time she said ah my fridge smells terrible and i don't know why really you
4:00can't think of a single reason she said no i said the fridge smells bad not the freezer
4:05i said i will flush your snake down the toilet and give you a swirly now that's the sign of true
4:10love kids but for all i know she could totally still have severed hands in there after dealing
4:14with the snakesicle situation there's some other things i've learned from being in a relationship
4:19apparently there are rules and etiquettes when eating food and my girlfriend sure does love
4:26and enforce those rules i was taught don't put your elbows on the table close your mouth when
4:31you're chewing unless you want to talk to someone and make sure you eat something green every once
4:35in a while but according to her there's more than that like did you know that bagel bites aren't a
4:40part of a balanced diet we were at a restaurant one time pre-covered and when we got our food
4:45gift took a napkin and put it on our lap and told me to do that as well because you're
4:50supposed to do that in a society i looked around the restaurant and said but no one else has a
4:56napkin on their laps and she said that's because she wanted to eat at a denny's i didn't know why
5:01she was such a stickler for table manners until i went to her family's place for thanksgiving and i
5:06stepped inside and saw two sets of staircases in their house and it all made sense oh they're fancy
5:15and collect staircases going to my girlfriend's home for thanksgiving was the first time i met
5:19a partner's parents and i tried really really hard to get them to like me because i'm kissing
5:24their firstborn child i'm in the house dad's watching sports i love sports i lied
5:28mom's working on a puzzle i love puzzles they used to call me the puzzle king in high school
5:33her brother's playing mario odyssey i love mario oh wait i don't have to impress you
5:38stuck at this game in an effort to get them to like me more i brought a gift for gif's family
5:42i got them a little baby cactus because it's small and prickly and doesn't like to be touched
5:47just like her ow babe no no babe it was a joke it was a joke babe gif's thanksgiving meal was
5:54the polar opposite of my family's thanksgiving my family does thanksgiving with two other families
5:59and they all come together with mashed potatoes and everyone gets in a line with paper plates and
6:03we all have one big mashed potato potluck then i sit at the kids table to avoid talking about
6:08politics gif's family used real plates and had candles and everyone puts a napkin on their lap
6:14i felt like shrek at fiona's castle they had three forks of various sizes but i still wanted them to
6:19like me so i wasn't about to point out that it made no sense to use three different forks to
6:23eat a meal this must be why gif is so afraid of knives all these cutlery options are bringing up
6:28childhood traumas of going up all the stairs but gif's family was so fancy that i actually didn't
6:34even meet them on thanksgiving my memory just filled in that we were having a thanksgiving meal
6:39gift read this script and was like you know you didn't meet them on thanksgiving right that was
6:44just a regular tuesday brunch that wasn't even a meal to be thankful for why we talk about politics
6:49so much one of the big political debates we have is that gift tells me i wear dad socks but i don't
6:56think she understands my genius you see if i buy and wear the same pair of socks for the rest of my
7:01life i'll never have to worry about matching socks ever again so i've already picked out the socks
7:06that i'm going to be wearing at my funeral and as we were wrapping up our non-thankful meal i got up
7:11from the table and gif's dad said hey i have those socks so i guess she's right about some things and
7:18her dad totally likes me now in the end as long as i make gif happy then i know her parents will
7:23like me no matter what socks i wear and as long as you're with someone who makes you a happier person
7:28then they're a good partner too even if they refuse to throw away the dead snake they've had
7:32in their freezer for almost three years well hello everyone i know it's been a while but i
7:37hope you all enjoyed this video there were lots of things to learn in my first serious relationship
7:42and if you have any advice for being in your first serious relationship then let me know
7:47in the comments i'm sure me and a bunch of other commenters will find that helpful fun fact gif and
7:52i wrote this video together so if you didn't like it um that's unheard oh i'm just kidding i'm just
7:59kidding i don't want to end up in the freezer huge thanks to my amazing team for once again bringing
8:04these animated anecdotes to life i couldn't have made this video without them and on top of
8:09this thank you all for supporting cafe chaos on kickstarter we sincerely appreciate all of your
8:14excitement we have finally sent out pre-orders and if you didn't get the chance to support the
8:18kickstarter you can now find all the items on my online store link in the description we do have
8:23some extra kickstarter exclusives available such as the bento box or the animated expansion pack
8:28be sure to grab them soon because once they're gone they're gone forever thank you again for
8:32watching this video and make sure that you and your partner wear your masks and your seatbelt
