The secret to better conversations? Stop waiting for your turn to speak #TEDTalks

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0:00Imagine trying to listen to a song while

0:02singing a different song in your head.

0:05You can't do it or you can't do it well.

0:07And you can't fully appreciate what

0:09someone else is saying if you're

0:10thinking about something else. And I

0:11hate to say it, but between our phones

0:13and our smartwatches and just our own

0:16wandering thoughts, it's easy to get

0:18distracted and we tend to listen to

0:19other people that way, too. I'm also a

0:21big believer in the power of non-verbal

0:23communication.

0:25Like just a simple act of a nod is a way

0:28to let the other person know that you're

0:30engaged and also invites them to keep

0:32going and say more. That kind of

0:35intentional engaged silence

0:38makes space for them. That also means

0:42turning off the instinct to talk about

0:44yourself. I used to think that this was

0:46actually the best way to show that I was

0:48really listening. Someone would tell me

0:49something and I'd say, "Oh man, you

0:51know, that reminds me of this thing that

0:52happened to me." and then I would tell a

0:54whole story of my own. It's kind of like

0:57listening to half a song and then

0:58saying, "Oh, you know, this part reminds

0:59me of this other song." And then turning

1:01that first song off and going and

1:03putting on some other song, which is

1:05also something I've done. But you can't

1:08get deeper if you lose the moment like

1:09that. So, it's a challenge to your

1:11impatience and to your selfishness to be

1:15engaged without making it about

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