Sous-titres (168)
0:00- A cognitive script is an
internalized behavioral pattern
0:03that tells us how we're supposed
0:05or at least how we think
we're supposed to act
0:07in certain situations.
0:09They can be very helpful for
routine tasks and decisions
0:14Cognitive scripts were first discovered
0:16in a seminal 1979 study, where researchers
0:19found that people are
following very similar scripts
0:22in similar situations,
such as going to the doctor
0:25or going to the restaurant.
0:27And since then, they have
found those cognitive scripts
0:30in all areas of your life.
0:31For routine everyday decisions,
0:34cognitive scripts are actually
very practical and useful.
0:37For example, you know that
when you're going to go
0:39to the doctor, you're supposed
to wait in the waiting room
0:42and then someone is
going to call your name.
0:44And then, you're going to
go into doctor's office
0:46and this is where you're
going to start telling them
0:49about whatever the issue is, right?
0:50And you know in which
order you're supposed to do
0:52all of those different actions.
0:54Great, useful, and it's
a pretty good thing
0:57that you don't have to overthink it
0:58every time you go to the doctor.
1:00The problem with cognitive
scripts is when we use them
1:03to make more important
decisions in our lives,
1:05in our careers, in our relationships,
1:07instead of asking ourselves,
1:09is that really what I want
to do, is that my decision,
1:13we let our choices being
driven by those stories
1:16that we have internalized by those scripts
1:18that tell us how we're supposed to behave
1:20in a certain situation.
1:28One of these scripts is the Sequel Script.
1:31That's the script where we
feel like we've always behaved
1:34in a certain way, so we're
going to keep on behaving
1:38We feel like the narrative
needs to make sense.
1:41This is the script that
makes people choose careers
1:44that are aligned with whatever
they studied at university.
1:47That is the script that
makes people keep on dating
1:49the same kind of people
they've been dating before.
1:52And this is in general the
script that makes us repeat
1:55the exact same behaviors and patterns
1:57that we've had in the past.
1:58In relationships in particular,
what's very interesting
2:01is that we want the Sequel to connect
2:04to whatever the previous experience was.
2:07So, that might mean dating
the exact same type of person
2:10or choosing the next person in response
2:13to whoever we were dating before.
2:15And they might look like
the complete opposite,
2:17but the truth is we still pick this person
2:20based on the sense of continuity
2:21with whatever the previous
experience was before.
2:24With the Sequel Script,
2:25it's quite obvious why it
limits the possibilities
2:29that we might explore in life,
2:30because we feel like whatever decision
2:32we're making next needs to make sense
2:35in relation to the decisions
we made in the past.
2:39of more left field,
unexpected type of decisions
2:43that might be opportunities for growth,
2:45and exploration, and self discovery.
2:47Another cognitive script
that rules our life
2:50is the Crowdpleaser Script.
2:52This is the script where we make decisions
2:54based on whatever is going to please
2:56people around us the most.
2:58Quite often, those are the
people are our parents.
3:00We might make decisions based on whatever
3:03is going to make them feel like
you're safe and successful.
3:06But the audience for
the Crowdpleaser Script
3:09can also be your friends,
can be your partner,
3:13can be your colleagues.
3:14And what you don't realize
3:15when you follow the Crowdpleaser Script
3:17is that you're not making decisions
3:19based on what you want and
what would make you happy,
3:22but based on what will make
others around you happy.
3:25Finally, there's the Epic Script,
3:27and this one is very insidious
3:29because it's actually
celebrated in our society.
3:32It's the script that says
that whatever you do,
3:35it needs to be big, it
needs to be very ambitious,
3:38it needs to be impactful.
3:40Anything less than that is failure.
3:43The Epic Script is an extreme version
3:46of the idea of following your dreams.
3:48And because of that, it has
created a form of stigma
3:52around having a small, simple life.
3:56A life that is focused on just
being happy in the moment,
4:00being present, being connected,
4:01and exploring your curiosity.
4:03Because if you don't have those
external signs of success,
4:06if you're not following
your grant passion,
4:09then are you really
living a meaningful life?
4:12This is the anxiety inducing question
4:14that is created by the Epic Script.
4:17When you think about it,
4:18this is a very myopic
definition of success
4:21where we try to put all of
our eggs in the same basket.
4:24We choose this one thing and we say,
4:26"If I succeed to this, then
I'm successful in life."
4:29The problem with this is that if we fail
4:31at this particular project,
this particular goal,
4:34we feel like we have
failed at life entirely.
4:37And the other problem with
putting all of our eggs
4:39in the same basket is that
then sometimes the basket
4:41just becomes too heavy and
we drop it all together.
4:44Our modern hyperconnected online world
4:47has made the Epic Script,
4:49unfortunately, very,
very popular with people.
4:52We have become overly obsessed
with finding our purpose.
4:55Mentions in books of the
phrase, "find your purpose,"
4:58have surged 700% in the
past two decades only.
5:02We see all of those stories
of success of people
5:05who have found their passion
and who are very happy
5:09We see the entrepreneur
5:11that followed their passion
and was very successful,
5:14but we don't see all of
the thousands of other ones
5:17that have tried the exact
same thing and failed.
5:20This is called survivorship bias,
5:22and it's very unfortunate how nowadays
5:24we are basing all of our
decisions and even our self-worth
5:28based on that incomplete information.
5:30Once you have identified
the cognitive scripts
5:33that rule your life, you can
actually break free from them,
5:36and it really starts by seeing them
5:39as stories we tell ourselves
5:41rather than truth that we
need to follow blindly.
5:44A really good way to do
this is to stop for a second
5:48every time you hear yourself
saying, "I should do this."
5:51This word should is actually
a really good signal
5:54that there might be a
cognitive script at play
5:58And once you've identified
the places in your life
6:00and the situations in your
life where you are using
6:02that word, should, you can then
decide to replace that word
6:06with another word, might.
6:08What might I want to do
instead of what should I do.
6:12What might I want to explore?
6:14What might I want to experiment with?
6:16If you wanna start writing
your own scripts in life,
6:19there are three questions
that you can ask yourself
6:21while designing your next experiment.
6:24The first one is am I following my past
6:26or discovering my path?
6:28The second one is am I following the crowd
6:32or am I discovering my tribe?
6:34And then finally, am
I following my passion
6:37or am I discovering my curiosity?
6:40Those three questions together
6:42allow you to embrace the
liminal space we're all in,
6:45to make friends with uncertainty,
6:47to start experimenting more,
6:49and very importantly, to deal
6:51with those three powerful
cognitive scripts
6:54that underlie a lot of our decisions
6:57on an unconscious level.
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