उपशीर्षक (377)
0:01-Welcome back, everybody.
Here with Stephen Colbert.
0:03So, now I want to address
some sad news in July --
0:06-Do I have a drink?
Do I have a drink here?
0:07-Yeah. You have a little drink.
-Oh, yes, I do.
0:09Go ahead. Yeah.
-Okay.
0:12I don't...
It's, uh...
0:14In July, it was announced
that your show, uh...
0:16your show was canceled.
0:18[ Laughter and applause ]
0:23-Nobody told him?
-What?
0:24-Nobody told him?
-Ugh!
0:31-You're out of practice.
0:33You're out of
spit-take practice.
0:34-Really, I am, yeah. Yes.
Uh, this is our last season.
0:37We've got four more months.
-This is your last season.
0:39Very sad. It was shocking.
[ Audience booing ]
0:43You know, I think it happened
at the end of the week.
0:45I saw you on Monday.
A bunch of us stopped by.
0:46We all talked in your
dressing room.
0:48-Oh, that's right. Yeah.
That was very nice of you.
0:50-And I heard you talk about,
uh, our friend Jimmy Kimmel.
0:54-Have you...
Do you have more perspective,
0:55different perspective on it now?
0:57-Well, it feels real now.
0:59-Yeah.
-It did not feel...
1:00I mean -- I mean,
I know it was real,
1:02but now there's four months left
and I...
1:06You know,
the shows are fun to do,
1:09but what I really love is
the people I do it with.
1:11And we've been putting together
this...
1:13I mean, there are people
I've been working with...
1:17my Shoemaker, Tom Purcell...
1:19-Yeah, of course.
-...I've known since 1988.
1:23-And so we've all been
together forever.
1:25you can do comedy
a lot of different places.
1:27There's no place
like the Ed Sullivan Theater.
1:29No offense. There's no place
like the Ed Sullivan Theater.
1:31But it's really the people.
That's really what I care about.
1:34And that's really what I'm going
to miss more than anything.
1:36And we'll do something else
together,
1:38but it feels real now.
I'm not thrilled with it.
1:40-I mean, I feel like neither
of us ever take it for granted.
1:42But I do think it's
that weird thing that it's just,
1:45like, built into your life
when you have a show like this
1:47is you just get to see people
every day that are funny
1:50and help you process through,
uh,
1:52oftentimes the things
that we're talking about,
1:53which are --
which can be difficult.
1:55-Right. Right. You know, we all
saw what happened this weekend,
1:57which was incredibly
corrosive to the soul
2:00and how we feel
about our own country.
2:01And I got to talk with
Josh Shapiro about it all night,
2:03got to talk about
with the governor.
2:05And that's an incredible gift.
2:08Uh, anyway, I'll always be
grateful for that.
2:10Um, is Lorne here?
-Lorne Michaels?
2:12-Yeah.
-Why, do you want to...
2:13You want to talk to him
about something?
2:15-Would you tell him
I'm available in June?
2:18-I don't know
if he's still hiring.
2:20-Oh, to -- Not to host?
2:21You want to, like,
just work on the show?
2:23-I need a show, man.
I need a...
2:26-I would love to talk to him.
-Not for the cash.
2:27I'm fine for cash.
It's just Evie...
2:29Evie will want me
out of the house.
2:31-If I can tell Lorne
you will work for scale,
2:35That will help.
-Please do.
2:36-Uh, when do you...
-I do a Bill Clinton impression.
2:40That's the last time.
-That's what you have?
2:42-That's how long ago
I auditioned for SNL.
2:44-That's right, you auditioned
for SNL with a Clinton.
2:46-1998 or something like that.
1997, something like that.
2:49I was so old that I...
2:51It was so long ago
I auditioned for SNL,
2:52I auditioned with
an Al D'Amato impression.
2:56You don't even remember
who Al D'Amato was.
2:59-By the way,
I will argue that in 1998,
3:02that was also not
an impression they needed.
3:06-Hey, man!
-Because, you know,
3:07looking back, I'm like, "Well,
they didn't need a D'Amato.
3:12-Wait, were you
on the decision-making team?
3:13-No, I wasn't there yet.
3:15I would never have passed...
3:16-When did you...?
-'01.
3:19I also did a D'Amato.
3:22It would be really funny
if Lorne was just
3:24still kicking himself
after letting you go in '98.
3:27-Oh, I'm sure he is.
-Yeah, yeah.
3:30-He's not here,
but he watches every night.
3:37This is gonna get back to him.
3:40Someone will tell him.
3:42I think someone will tell him.
3:43Do you have a final show date?
3:50Where am I? I'm here?
-Yeah. Take it.
3:52-This is...
I figured this would be great.
3:53This is a Peacock exclusive.
3:55-Oh, my God, thank you.
-You're welcome.
3:56-We almost never get exclusives
on Peacock.
4:00-Or NBC. I just figured it
would be best to do it...
4:01-You should do it
a second place
4:08Start with Peacock, though.
Start with Peacock.
4:11-Is that our final show
will be...
4:18-Alright.
-Mark your calendars.
4:20-That's, uh...Thank you
for sharing that with us.
4:21-You're invited.
-I would love to be there.
4:22-Do you have a show
that night?
4:24-Um, not anymore.
-Okay. Good.
4:27I know people always ask me
4:28about, uh, dream guests.
4:31Do you have one
that you're trying to land
4:33before May 21st?
-Yeah.
4:37-American pope.
-American pope.
4:38You met the last pope.
-I did.
4:41-Yeah. You had to go to Rome.
4:42-I went to Rome. Me...
Fallon went, came with us.
4:45-Yeah. A lot of comedians.
-I invited you.
4:47-Yep.
-And you said immediately...
4:51I did your show
the night you had to leave.
4:53You literally left
the Ed Sullivan Theater
4:55to get on a plane
to go meet the Pope.
4:57-I literally had to get in
a helicopter.
4:59-To make it to JFK
in time to go to Rome.
5:01-I was gonna say,
you can't take a helicopter
5:02all the way to Rome.
That's insane.
5:05Um, but this...
-I got on a jet ski.
5:07-But, now, be honest.
-Yeah.
5:09-Last pope would not be
a good talk-show guest.
5:11But new pope, I think...
-Oh, he would've been...
5:12Any popes are pretty good.
5:14-No, but come on.
New pope's the one you want.
5:17-Well, of course.
American pope.
5:19Of course you want the new pope.
-Come on.
5:21Pope Francis would not have been
a good talk-show guest.
5:23-He would have been
an infallible talk-show guest.
5:29This is -- this is...
5:31This is good
that you did not meet the Pope,
5:33because this attitude...
-I knew...
5:35-This attitude does not go
across in the Apostolic Palace.
5:38-Yeah.
-Those Swiss guards
5:39would take that halberd
and just take you down.
5:41-No! They do? If you...
5:43-In their big pantaloons
and everything.
5:44-If you roll your eyes
in the Apostolitic chamber?
5:46Is that what you called it?
Is that -- Wait.
5:49-From "Back to the Future"?
5:57That's what the Pope says.
5:58-Was that from your audition
as well?
6:04I did impressions. I think I
would've had to do impressions.
6:06-Didn't you get --
Cagney, right?
6:08-"Meh, see? Mehhh!"
-Yeah.
6:11-You did your Cagney to make
your D'Amato look more topical.
6:14-You know -- You know, my...
You've seen my De Niro, right?
6:16-No, I haven't. What's your...?
6:17-"Meh, see, I'm Bobby De Niro.
See? Mehhh!"
6:19"Meh, you're gonna hire me,
Lorne, see? Mehhh!"
6:23-Look, don't misplay
your advantage.
6:24I don't want Lorne
to see all this stuff.
6:26But there are some rumors.
6:27Obviously, we're adding SNL
to the rumor.
6:29-Do I look okay?
-You look great.
6:31-Thank you.
-Um, can I...
6:32-And thank you
for wearing a jacket.
6:34-Of course. It's a big deal
for me to have you here.
6:38It's a big deal for me
to see you in a jacket.
6:39-Thank you.
And, you know what,
6:41anytime you want,
I'll send you a picture.
6:44I'll have some on my phone
to send.
6:46These are rumors.
These are Colbert rumors --
6:47you can put them to bed
or not --
6:50of what people think
you might do next.
6:52-Oh, okay. Yeah, there's been
a whole host of things
6:54that people have speculated
that I will do next.
6:57I'm neither going to confirm
nor deny any of these.
7:02Or many of these.
-Okay.
7:04-'Cause I got to keep
my options open.
7:05-Uh, someone...
It was written
7:07that you've signed a
$13.5 million deal with Netflix.
7:10-Not enough money.
-Yeah.
7:13-Uh, that you might run for
office, maybe even president?
7:16-I've heard that one.
-Yeah.
7:17-I've heard that one.
[ Cheers and applause ]
7:23Obviously, I mean, that's
something I have discussed
7:25with my faith leader
and my family,
7:27and if there is some way for me
to serve the American people
7:30in some way
that could possibly be greater
7:33than a late-night
television show...
7:35...I would consider that.
7:37But obviously I've heard that.
Yeah.
7:38I get it.
How about that? I get it.
7:40-Yeah.
But FYI, uh, it's...
7:42They pay less than 13.5.
7:45-Not anymore.
-Not anymore. That's true.
7:47I know, it's pretty good,
pretty good...
7:48-That's a pretty good job
right now.
7:51-Oh, my God, we'd love that.
7:52Starting a show
with the following people --
7:54Rachel Maddow, Tom Hanks...
-Yes. Yes.
7:55-...Jasmine Crockett,
Simon Cowell.
7:56-Yes.
-All five of you?
7:57-All five of them. Yeah.
8:00You guys are gonna be
the new A-Team.
8:03-You're on the run.
-Falsely accused.
8:05-Writing a book about, uh,
J.R.R. Tolkien.
8:08-Always.
I'm always doing that.
8:09-You're always just working
on it?
8:12-That's not
the "who shot J.R.?", is it?
8:16-Was that the one
that was "who shot J.R.?"
8:20-Okay.
-I don't know.
8:24-You know
it's important to me, right?
8:26You know Tolkien's really
important to me, right?
8:28-Yeah, yeah.
The Lord of the Rings guy.
8:29-Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:30-Very, very, very lonely,
sad young boy.
8:33He's the only thing
that pulled me out of...
8:35-Oh, you're doing fine now.
He pulled you out.
8:38He gave you -- he gave you...
8:40He pulled you up.
-Yeah.
8:43-Emotionally, I was gonna fall
into the lava.
8:44-And then J.R.R. saved you!
8:47Now brush yourself off
and make do without him.
8:49[ Laughter and awws ]
8:51Leave him for the other --
8:53Leave him for the sad boys
of today!
8:56You announced
a wildlife rescue program
8:58for endangered elephants.
9:05-Oh, no. Are you...
-We're worried about them.
9:07-Are you reading Tolkien
to them?
9:12-Well, they'll appreciate it,
'cause they...
9:13-They remember.
They never forget.
9:16-Wait, I have a -- Here's what
I think you should do.
9:18-There's more?
-Well, no, I have one.
9:19-You have a pitch?
-Yeah.
9:22-I think you should do
"Oh, Mary!"
9:23[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, really?
9:27I mean, I think you should be
on a Broadway stage.
9:29-I should go in
for Cole Escola?
9:32-I genuinely think --
'cause that's the thing.
9:33People think, like, "Oh,
Seth wants him to play Lincoln."
9:35No, I want you to play Mary.
9:37-Oh. That would be a ton of fun.
-Yeah, yeah.
9:38-No, no,
I would have a great time.
9:40-So, I'm just throwing that
out in the universe,
9:41'cause I think
it's a really good idea.
9:43-Thank you very much.
Would you do Broadway?
9:47-I don't think people want to
see me on Broadway. I can't...
9:49-Do we want to see him
on Broadway?
9:51[ Cheers and applause ]
9:54You know
you can't give me that.
9:55-I mean...
-You can't give me that.
9:58-Have you started
parting your hair?
10:02-Have you started
parting your hair?
10:03-I don't know, it's just...
Is it part--
10:05Does it have a severe part?
-Well, some part?
10:06I thought it used to
mostly come forward.
10:08-No, you're right.
It does have a nice part today.
10:10-I want to change
my Broadway answer
10:12now that I see this part.
10:14Um, hey, uh, I'm very...
10:17I'm really, uh, sad
that you're coming to a close.
10:21I feel very lucky
to have been doing this
10:24at the same time as you.
10:25I said this 10 years ago
when you were on the show.
10:26When I was in Chicago,
10:27I saw you onstage
at Second City
10:29and you blew my mind,
and you were the kind of person
10:32that I wanted to do
what you were doing.
10:34You've been really inspirational
to me for a very long time,
10:37and I'm really grateful
to know you
10:40and to both be your colleague
and your friend.
10:42You're a very special person.
So I just want to say thank you.
10:48[ Applause continues ]
10:49And thank you, uh...
10:51You've -- you've been
just lovely
10:52to have a colleague across town,
10:56will occasionally write
each other notes about,
10:57"Oh, I saw this thing
you did last night,"
10:58or, "I really liked
this interview,"
11:00and I admire what you
and your staff do here,
11:02especially on the darker days,
11:04what you're able to make,
make comedy out of it.
11:06And I admire you enormously,
11:08and I hope you will do this
for 20 more years.
11:11-Well, I promise, uh,
11:13and I hope you will meet
the promise
11:15that we see each other often,
11:16because you're
a very nice person to see.
11:21Stephen Colbert!
[ Cheers and applause ]
11:23"The Late Show
With Stephen Colbert"
11:25airs weeknights on CBS.
11:26Stick around. We'll be right
back with Marc Shaiman.
