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How to Give Feedback That Lands | Renee St Jacques | TED - Video học tiếng Anh
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How to Give Feedback That Lands | Renee St Jacques | TED
How to Give Feedback That Lands | Renee St Jacques | TED
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คำบรรยาย (209)
0:04
A few years ago,
0:06
I found myself individually coaching both a manager and an employee
0:11
at the same time.
0:14
The employee was super confident she'd get promoted,
0:18
whereas the manager privately shared with me
0:21
that she had no plans to do so.
0:24
Why the disconnect?
0:27
The manager admitted using the feedback sandwich technique,
0:32
which is praise, feedback, then praise again,
0:36
embedding that critical feedback in the praise
0:39
leading to false expectations.
0:43
Despite the manager's good intentions, the impact was damaging.
0:48
There was burnout for the manager for overcompensating.
0:52
There was a breakdown in trust for the employee.
0:55
And ultimately, unachieved goals for the organization.
1:03
Having coached hundreds of leaders,
1:05
this is just one of many examples that I've encountered
1:09
where low emotional intelligence,
1:13
EQ for short,
1:14
leads to low results.
1:17
And that's no surprise, given the decades of research
1:20
that show that EQ can boost profitability.
1:25
My fascination with human behavior started at an early age,
1:29
where, amidst family dysfunction,
1:32
I witnessed firsthand how low EQ can leave a negative legacy.
1:39
And now, as a psychologist, as an executive coach,
1:43
I'm passionate about drawing from my unique corporate
1:47
and counseling background
1:49
to bridge theory and practice
1:50
when it comes to teams.
1:53
Managers, I see you.
1:56
With the pressure to meet bottom-line goals,
1:58
you often have to do more with less.
2:01
But what got you here?
2:03
Excelling as an individual contributor,
2:06
doing things yourself,
2:08
won't get you success as a manager.
2:11
As a leader,
2:13
your impact is measured by what you achieve through your team.
2:19
But let's be honest,
2:20
increasing the intrinsic motivation and accountability of your team
2:25
isn't always easy,
2:26
especially when there's resistance or a breakdown in trust.
2:32
How do you drive results?
2:34
By unlocking the leadership potential of every team member,
2:39
no matter their title.
2:42
I believe it begins by elevating your emotional intelligence
2:47
with three key skills:
2:51
connect,
2:52
correct
2:54
and cultivate.
2:56
These three C’s make up a research-backed framework
3:00
called “Leadership Activated” that I’ve developed
3:03
to help leaders practically build trust,
3:06
guide behavior and foster growth.
3:09
The first C is connect.
3:13
An executive once asked me to repurpose her session time
3:16
to coach a seasoned employee of hers whose performance was declining.
3:21
But as soon as I got into session,
3:23
I knew she didn't need coaching on her external skills.
3:28
She needed coaching to really uncover the internal factors
3:34
influencing her performance.
3:37
Connection is what unlocks high performance
3:40
because it creates psychological safety.
3:44
A key driver to team success
3:47
where individuals feel freedom to communicate without fear.
3:53
Research also shows
3:55
that the number-one factor to job satisfaction is not our pay,
3:59
but how valued and appreciated we feel.
4:05
Sometimes we have to go slow to go fast.
4:08
And trust is an accelerator to business results.
4:14
And we build trust when we take the time to connect.
4:21
What would it look like for this manager to connect?
4:24
Because I see a lot of managers push without connection.
4:29
And what happens is that the behavior gets worse
4:33
because correction without connection
4:38
feels like rejection.
4:42
Connection is what separates our work from our worth.
4:45
It's about valuing people not just for what they do,
4:49
but who they are.
4:53
The best practice here is when you use a tone of curiosity,
4:56
you can say something like,
4:58
"I want you to know it's safe to share."
5:01
Or use open-ended questions like,
5:03
"Can you help me understand?"
5:05
Or use phrases like, "I see you,"
5:09
"I hear you.
5:11
That's hard."
5:13
All while paraphrasing back to make the employee feel heard.
5:18
And when we do, the magic here is that we uncover the root issue.
5:22
Maybe it's imposter syndrome.
5:25
Maybe it's a personal issue at play.
5:28
What makes them feel valued?
5:30
What motivates them?
5:32
All without fixing, lecturing,
5:34
or using the information against them in any way.
5:38
It's about talking with them,
5:40
not at them.
5:43
And sometimes we find part of contributing to this resistance
5:48
is actually us.
5:51
Lean in to that insight.
5:53
It's a gift.
5:56
Instead of defending your intention,
6:00
model owning your impact.
6:02
Saying something like,
6:04
"It looks like I need to work on that"
6:07
goes a long way.
6:09
The first C, connect, is not a nice-to-have.
6:13
Even if it takes more than one meeting,
6:16
the only goal is to make an employee feel seen.
6:20
And while that's essential,
6:22
not providing any developmental guidance is actually coddling.
6:28
The second C is correct.
6:32
I once coached a brilliant COO,
6:35
but he would redo his team's work instead of correcting them.
6:40
His overfunctioning enabled their under-functioning.
6:46
The story he told himself was
6:49
"feedback was hurting people."
6:52
But when you look at the definition of a manager,
6:54
which is to steward the organization's goals through people,
6:59
feedback given with psychological safety is actually empowering.
7:05
Now that we've separated work from worth,
7:08
we can have a compassionate focus on behavior.
7:13
Remember, we are correcting the behavior,
7:16
not the person.
7:18
What would it look like for this manager to correct?
7:23
Well, one thing I see a lot of managers do is hint.
7:29
Hinting doesn't work.
7:31
Effective correction balances clarity and kindness.
7:38
No one can read your mind.
7:39
Instead of saying "deadlines are important,"
7:43
we can say "The deadline was X.
7:46
This was submitted on Y.
7:48
We need all deadlines met from now on because of a Z impact."
7:57
Authors Heen and Stone break down the psychology behind why we do this.
8:03
The feedback sits at the intersection of two competing human needs.
8:06
On one hand, we want to learn and grow.
8:10
On another hand, we want to be worthy and enough
8:13
just the way we are, without change.
8:17
Vague feedback equals vague commitment
8:19
equals zero chance of change.
8:22
And no one is motivated by shame.
8:26
So managers are so much more successful when they use the word "and"
8:32
instead of "but."
8:33
"We" instead of "you."
8:37
"Your client dedication is impressive
8:40
and can we collaborate to improve communication?"
8:46
Unlike the ineffective feedback sandwich,
8:49
the first C, connect, establishes enough trust for the second C, correct,
8:54
which is that clear, kind guidance.
8:57
And because connect and correct is not a one-and-done --
9:00
the third C is cultivating.
9:04
Just like a garden needs ongoing care to flourish,
9:08
leadership potential is cultivated by ongoing coaching.
9:15
Yet many managers will wait until the last minute to a year-end review
9:19
to give vague feedback,
9:22
which of course erodes trust.
9:24
Whereas research shows that real-time, informal,
9:28
frequent feedback is far more effective.
9:32
And when we ask our team open-ended coaching questions like,
9:36
"What do you think we should do?"
9:39
it empowers a whole team to step up with solutions.
9:43
Which unlocks the leadership potential of both our team as well as our own
9:48
because we're trading in burnout for a culture of ownership.
9:56
This talk is actually not about feedback
9:59
or the latest management trend.
10:04
Connect, correct and cultivate
10:07
are these three C’s that we may excel in one --
10:10
but the truth, they’re like a tripod.
10:13
And if we don't excel in all three of them,
10:17
our ability to activate leadership falls apart.
10:21
But you may think that EQ is fluff,
10:25
that a focus on people moves us further away from the bottom line.
10:31
However, I am in the trenches with leaders daily,
10:36
and I know firsthand
10:38
that emotional intelligence is our greatest strategy to results,
10:43
because our work is only as good as our work with other people.
10:48
The secret to high performance is simple.
10:53
We raise the intrinsic motivation
10:55
and accountability of our teams
10:57
when they first feel seen, heard and valued.
11:04
However, leadership isn't just about performance.
11:09
I know firsthand that low EQ can create cycles of mistrust,
11:15
disconnection and pain.
11:21
I dream of a healthier world
11:24
where we don't just push
11:25
on the world-changing missions of our organizations,
11:28
but the accelerated and unprecedented pace to results
11:33
through non-human means.
11:35
We must anchor those achievements
11:39
in what is uniquely human.
11:41
Not replacing,
11:43
but retaining connection
11:47
as the cornerstone and the launching pad to all of our progress.
11:52
I believe we can raise the emotional intelligence of entire workplaces
11:56
to make them as kind as they are effective.
12:00
To create an impact that's both measurable and meaningful.
12:06
We're not just leaders,
12:08
we're cycle breakers.
12:10
So today I'm asking you,
12:13
what kind of legacy do you want to leave as a leader?
12:18
Will it be defined solely by the "what,"
12:20
the bottom-line goals,
12:23
or will it transcend to the "how?"
12:27
How, through connection,
12:29
we created an impact that truly mattered.
12:34
Together, we can architect the leadership of tomorrow.
12:39
Thank you.
12:41
(Applause)
