คำบรรยาย (184)
0:05my name is Charlene Kaye.
0:07I actually started my career out
as a pop musician,
0:10and after 20 years
of grinding in the industry,
0:12the way I know that I've finally made it
0:18And today, here at TED,
0:20I'd like to talk about something
that I have been obsessed with for years,
0:25Do we have any K-pop fans in here?
0:30there's nothing wrong
with being a straight dude.
0:35And if you love K-pop
and you're a straight dude,
0:38are you sure about that?
0:41So you might think that it is extremely
difficult to be a K-pop star.
0:44You have to move to Korea,
0:46you have to do
this whole training program,
0:48and I'm here to tell you today
that that's not true.
0:50It's actually really easy
to be a K-pop star.
0:54And I'm going to show
every single one of you how
0:56in the next seven minutes.
1:01So in K-pop, you have
the girl groups and the boy groups.
1:05You want to be in a girl group?
1:06So easy -- all you have to do
is be super cute,
1:09but not too young-looking.
1:10Really sexy, but not too slutty.
1:13Really badass, but not too masculine.
1:15You know, all the things
men have to think about.
1:19So when you start the song,
you're not going to sing.
1:21You're not going to sing.
1:30[Something in Korean]
1:31Then you walk, walk, walk, drive a car,
shake your hips, fan yourself,
1:36lick your lips, shoot a gun, blow a kiss.
1:41Then the main rapper comes in
1:42and she has something
the first girl doesn't have,
1:52Now I'm gonna rap like a sexy baby.
1:54I'm a savage, you all wanna hate me
1:56now I'm gonna twerk like Cardi B
1:58'cause the Bronx
is a neighborhood in Korea.
2:02And then, you might know
Korea is a very Christian nation,
2:04so you can't really sing about sex.
2:06So instead, you're going
to sing about fruit.
2:10Eat my strawberry moon.
2:14You can eat my tangerine.
2:16Cause it's my birthday.
2:18Put your face in my peach.
2:22Cherries are red and berries are blue.
2:25We just really like fruit.
2:27And then after fruit, logically,
you're going to sing about guns.
2:33But you have to stay cute.
2:35Never mind the guns are illegal
to civilians in South Korea.
2:38You're really cute,
but you're also in NWA.
2:41[N.W.A. The World's Most Dangerous Group]
2:44(Imitating gun noises)
2:54(Cheers and applause)
2:57Alright, now let's
talk about the boy groups.
3:00First thing you're going to do
3:01is join the other members
of your group who are 23 ripped
3:06and you're going to rap
some sexy nursery rhymes.
3:10Now, how do you do that?
3:12You just gotta whisper everything
3:14like it is the filthiest thing
you've ever said to anyone.
3:19It's so easy, just like this.
3:22Twinkle, twinkle little star.
3:24Three little piggies go to market.
3:26Old MacDonald had a farm.
3:29Hey, girl, I'm a little teapot.
3:32Now it's time for the chorus.
3:34There are too many of you
for you each have your own line.
3:36So what are we gonna yell about?
3:39Then all the dudes yell
3:42Turn it up, turn it up! It's showtime!
3:45We've never seen a gun.
3:46Then we whisper a random food like,
3:55Spending that cheese,
3:56I'm hot like a fever.
3:58And now it's a completely different genre.
4:01'Cause there are still 20 dudes
who haven't sung yet.
4:04We're gonna sing more foods like,
4:06ice cream, hot sauce, chicken noodle soup,
4:09donut, cherry bomb, butter fondue.
4:11It's not about sex,
we just really like food.
4:16(Cheers and applause)
4:20Let's talk about something that happens
with both the girl and the boy groups.
4:24And this is something that I call the OBR
or the obligatory reggaeton section.
4:30And in this section,
it is mandatory that you talk
4:32about how you're either
really cold or really hot.
4:34And there's no in between.
4:38I'm either really cold
or really, really hot.
4:41Super, super cold, except when I'm hot.
4:43I'm freezing like an igloo,
I'm burning up a sweat
4:46trying not to sing in a Jamaican accent.
4:48"Cold Winter," "Winter Falls,"
4:50“Goodbye Winter,” “Winter Again.”
4:53"Hot," "So Hot," "Hot," "Hot enough."
4:55These are all real songs, by the way.
4:58"Winter Bear," "Winter," "Winter Flower"
5:00“Very Hot,” “I’m so Hot,”
5:02"Hot Sauce," "Snow Flower,"
5:04"Winter Without You," "Hot Hand,"
5:06“Hot Issue,” “Hot Summer.”
5:07“Sweet Winter,”
“The Winter’s Tale,” “It’s Cold.”
5:10"Like it Hot," "Fire,"
"Playing with Fire."
5:12All these cold songs
and all these hot songs.
5:14There's no such thing as warm in K-pop.
5:18(Cheers and applause)
5:24We’ve reached the most
critical moment of any K-pop song,
5:26which is the dubstep
dance break for no reason.
5:30Now how do we do this?
5:32You're going to do the following moves.
5:33Number one, you're going to glitch
5:35like you're connecting
to dial-up internet in 1999.
5:38Then, you're going to make
pizza in the Matrix.
5:43Then you're going to be
a horny mime in a glass box.
5:46And then finally, you're going
to give the angriest massage
5:50and end in a pose called
The Passion of the Christ.
5:53You guys got all that, right?
5:55It's so easy, we're going
to do it together,
6:14(Cheers and applause)
6:19We reached the finale of the song.
6:21This part usually has
really uplifting lyrics,
6:24like "shining like a shooting star"
6:25or "climbing to the top of a mountain."
6:28And it goes just like this.
6:33I am gonna shine like a shooting star.
6:36I am gonna climb to the mountain top
6:45Then every element of the song
randomly comes back,
6:48and the person with the highest voice
in the group does way too much.
6:52Then you end in a move
called the Magic Mike,
6:55Everyone turn their phone flashlights on.
6:59I am gonna climb to the mountaintop.
7:02I'm either really cold or I'm really hot.
7:06Old McDonald had a farm.
7:14You can eat my tangerine.
7:17I'm a little, I'm a little teapot.
7:36(Cheers and applause)
7:50Congratulations, you're now
a K-pop superstar.
7:57(Cheers and applause)
