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The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
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Trump Demands New White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Kash Patel Expects Entirely Different Security
Trump Demands New White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Kash Patel Expects Entirely Different Security
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คำบรรยาย (247)
0:01
-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
0:03
You're here. Thank you.
0:04
[ Cheers and applause ]
0:06
Welcome. Well, guys, everyone was talking today about
0:10
how bad the security was
0:11
at the White House Correspondents' Dinner.
0:14
The good news is everyone is safe.
0:17
And I think they've now -- Security has figured this out.
0:19
They said from now on, they're going to put Trump
0:21
in a locked deodorant case like CVS.
0:23
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
0:24
[ Applause ]
0:27
-You'll never get in that thing.
0:28
No. Yeah.
0:30
When the incident occurred on Saturday night,
0:33
Oz the mentalist was performing for Trump.
0:36
[ Laughter ]
0:38
Trump looked at him like, "Yes, I did have the six of diamonds.
0:41
But why didn't you predict this?
0:42
This is -- That -- What is -- What are you --"
0:46
[ Applause ]
0:49
But Trump wants the event to be rescheduled within 30 days,
0:52
and FBI Director Kash Patel said he expects the security
0:55
at the next dinner to be entirely different.
0:58
[ Laughter ]
1:00
Because by then, he'll be fired.
1:02
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
1:04
Completely different.
1:09
Well, some more news from Washington today --
1:10
King Charles and Queen Camilla arrived in the U.S.
1:13
to begin a four-day visit marking America's
1:16
250th anniversary.
1:18
Apparently, America and the UK are that rare couple
1:20
who celebrate their divorce.
1:22
[ Laughter ]
1:25
[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah, we're cool.
1:29
How are you doing? Are you doing good?
1:31
Yeah. Charles actually kicked off his official visit
1:33
by joining Trump for a military review,
1:35
a garden party, and a private tea.
1:38
Yep. There was a huge misunderstanding
1:40
when Charles invited Trump to tea time
1:41
and Trump showed up with a golf bag.
1:43
[ Laughter ]
1:45
Yeah, Trump and Charles spent a lot of time together,
1:47
and we actually got our hands on the audio
1:48
of their private meeting. Listen to this.
2:20
Alright. Very interesting. Right?
2:22
[ Cheers and applause ]
2:23
He wants to know if he knows Paddington.
2:25
Everyone loves Paddington.
2:29
Well, some sports news -- There was a cool moment
2:32
in the NBA playoffs this weekend when LeBron James
2:35
threw his son Bronny the first father-son
2:37
alley-oop in NBA history.
2:39
Here to break it down is our "Tonight Show"
2:41
NBA correspondent Mick Carroll.
2:43
[ Cheers and applause ] -Thanks for having me, Jimmy.
2:46
-Mack Carroll.
2:47
Yeah. So tell us about this play.
2:50
-It was unbelievable. Early in the second,
2:52
Lakers up by 10,
2:54
LeBron grabs the rebound, pushes it up
2:56
the court, sees his son Bronny streaking down the right wing,
2:59
throws a perfectly placed lob and bang!
3:01
My dad never even said he loved me.
3:03
[ Laughter ]
3:07
-Sorry. What was that? -That was NBA history, Jimmy.
3:11
I mean, we're talking about probably the greatest player
3:13
of all time, still dominating at 41 years old
3:16
while sharing the court with his actual son.
3:19
If you don't like that,
3:21
you're just like my dad when he found my poetry.
3:22
[ Laughter ]
3:27
-You doing okay, Mack?
3:29
-Yeah. I'm doing great, Jimmy.
3:31
I mean, I think this LeBron-Bronny stuff
3:33
might be bringing up some of my own issues,
3:34
but I'm a professional.
3:36
You know, I can watch LeBron set his son a pin-down
3:38
screen without thinking about the time
3:40
my dad left me in the middle of the woods
3:41
and said, "A real man wouldn't need a compass!"
3:44
[ Laughter ]
3:46
I was out there two months, Jimmy.
3:48
Had to learn to speak bear just to survive.
3:52
-Wow. I'm -- I'm so sorry.
3:54
-No, no, no. Do not be. I wrote a great poem about it.
3:57
[ Laughter ]
4:00
Grrr roar.
4:02
Grrrr!
4:05
Salmon.
4:06
[ Laughter ]
4:07
If you speak bear, it's really beautiful.
4:10
-I'm sure it is.
4:12
Look, Mack, not all of us can have LeBron James for a dad,
4:14
but we can do our best to be a LeBron James for our kids.
4:18
-Amen, brother. You know what?
4:20
I'm going to start telling my son I love him
4:22
every single night.
4:24
Just as soon as he finds his way out of those woods.
4:26
-Oh, come on. Oh, my gosh. Mack Carroll, everybody.
4:30
[ Cheers and applause ]
4:31
Mack.
4:32
-I miss my bear dad.
4:34
-Alright, thank you, Mack Carroll.
4:36
Eating a salmon. Oh, no.
4:38
-During his interview. -Wow.
4:40
-Guys, listen to this. The CEO of United Airlines said
4:43
that they're abandoning their merger proposal
4:45
with American Airlines because American wasn't interested.
4:48
-Ooh.
4:50
-American released this message about the news.
4:52
Take a look.
4:53
-You may have heard that American Airlines isn't
4:55
interested in merging with United.
4:56
But just for the record,
4:58
it's not because we don't like United.
4:59
It's just we're not ready for anything
5:01
that's serious right now.
5:03
Like, the chemistry between United and American
5:05
is there for sure.
5:06
But American just has a lot going on, you know,
5:08
with work and stuff.
5:09
So it's really just a timing thing.
5:11
But, United, you're great and we really value your friendship
5:15
and we'll probably regret this someday.
5:17
American Airlines, it's not you, it's us.
5:21
-We have a great show.
5:23
Give it up for The Roots, everybody.
5:26
-♪ Let's have it, Mr. Onassis ♪
5:28
♪ Drop top whips, my joints could go heartless ♪
5:30
♪ Emcee seem so below average ♪
5:33
♪ Everyone in the cake won't go back ♪
5:35
-What a show we have for you tonight.
5:38
What a show.
5:39
He stars in the highly anticipated new movie
5:42
"The Devil Wears Prada 2," which is in theaters May 1st.
5:46
Stanley Tucci is here tonight!
5:48
[ Cheers and applause ]
5:52
You can see her in the hit Netflix series "Running Point."
5:56
Season 2 is out now. Brenda Song is joining us!
5:59
[ Cheers and applause ]
6:04
-Ooh!
6:05
-And he -- he is a global music superstar
6:12
Who just kicked off the North American leg
6:15
of his Aura world tour.
6:17
Diljit Dosanjh is here to talk and perform!
6:21
[ Cheers and applause ]
6:24
Diljit. He's -- I love him so much.
6:27
He's been on the show.
6:28
I think he made his debut on our show here.
6:30
I think maybe American late night TV and it is so --
6:33
His music is so good.
6:35
Everyone, you're allowed to dance if you want to. Yeah.
6:38
It is -- It is fun. It is contagious.
6:41
It is so good. I just love him so much.
6:44
Get ready for Diljit Dosanjh.
6:46
He's on the show tonight.
6:47
[ Cheers and applause ]
6:52
I had a super-interesting weekend.
6:55
I flew to England and I did "Saturday Night Live," "SNL UK."
6:59
-Ooh. -I did --
7:01
[ Cheers and applause ]
7:03
It's the British version of "Saturday Night Live."
7:06
It's a big hit. It's on Sky TV.
7:08
It's also -- It's on Peacock here
7:10
if you want to watch it the next day.
7:11
It's so -- It was so fun.
7:14
The most talented cast, great crew.
7:16
Everyone's awesome. It's -- It was -- It was odd.
7:19
-Was it weird?
7:21
-A little bit because it's exactly like "SNL" here,
7:23
except I don't know anyone.
7:25
And they all speak with a British accent.
7:28
Yeah. [ Laughter ]
7:29
But I did "Update," "Weekend Update" with
7:32
Ania Magliano and Paddy Young.
7:35
Yeah. So that's there.
7:37
[ Cheers and applause ]
7:39
They're so talented.
7:41
We did a bit called -- They have a bit called "Hand in Hand"
7:44
where they hold hands and they talk people through stuff,
7:47
an issue or whatever.
7:49
And this was about how America is thankful
7:51
for England and England's thankful for America.
7:53
And so we did "Hand in Hand in Hand."
7:55
So I was the third hand,
7:57
so I was -- so I came up from behind
8:00
the desk, you know, to do my in hand, you know,
8:04
so I was doing that. So I went out before I go --
8:07
I was waiting for the guy to cue me
8:08
so I could sneak so that the audience didn't see
8:10
that I was behind the desk because I was a surprise.
8:13
So I went out and I went out five jokes too soon.
8:17
-Oh, that's good.
8:19
-I was sitting under the desk
8:21
for about 10 minutes.
8:23
This is -- [ Sad tuba ]
8:24
This is a photo of me.
8:25
That's me there.
8:26
[ Laughter and applause ]
8:33
I was so nervous.
8:34
I don't know the stage manager.
8:37
So I was like, I don't want to disappoint anyone,
8:39
so I'll just go out. So I just crawled out.
8:41
Man, we had the best time.
8:43
It was so fun.
8:45
Shout-out to Nicola Coughlan, who hosted the show.
8:51
And the Foo Fighters were musical guests.
8:54
They were fantastic. [ Cheers and applause ]
8:55
I loved it. Thank you for welcoming me.
8:57
"SNL UK" -- check it out on Peacock.
8:59
It's really, really great.
9:00
[ Cheers and applause ] It's fun.
9:06
Guys, life can be complicated,
9:08
but it's not that hard to make it simple.
9:10
In fact, everything can be broken down
9:11
into three simple steps.
9:13
I'll show you what I mean.
9:14
It's time for "Three Simple Steps."
9:17
-♪ Three Simple Steps ♪
9:19
♪ Yeah ♪
9:20
♪ Three Simple Steps ♪
9:23
-Okay. Our first topic is watching the NBA playoffs.
9:27
Let's break it down into three simple steps.
9:41
It's very simple. -Easy.
9:42
-Very easy to... -Borpo is great.
9:45
-Very easy.
9:47
Up next, we have being a waiter.
9:59
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
10:00
"I just -- I just --
10:03
I barely..."
10:06
Next up, we have conquering your fear
10:08
of swimming in the ocean.
10:10
It's very simple. Three steps.
10:23
[ Screaming incoherently ]
10:24
"Ugh! Ugh!
10:26
Pool, pool, pool! I'm a pool person."
10:28
[ Applause ]
10:29
Next up, we have...
10:45
[ Cheers and applause ]
10:47
"1-2-3-4-5-6."
10:50
And, finally, we have...
11:02
-That's all for "Three Simple Steps."
11:04
We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show."
11:06
Come on back, everybody.
