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Tracy Morgan Wants to Start an OnlyFans Page, Gives Life Advice and Out-Ate Ozempic | Tonight Show
Tracy Morgan Wants to Start an OnlyFans Page, Gives Life Advice and Out-Ate Ozempic | Tonight Show
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Mga Subtitle (226)
0:01
-I want to talk about something that's out there.
0:03
This is real. This is real.
0:04
You actually are opening a restaurant in Brooklyn --
0:07
this is real -- called Swoony's.
0:08
-Swoony's. -It's a real thing.
0:10
-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
0:11
Check it out! -Where's thi?
0:12
-Swoony's steakhouse.
0:14
It's a speakeasy. -Yeah, in Brooklyn?
0:16
-In Brooklyn. In Brooklyn.
0:18
Yeah, me and my boy Mike, we opened up a restaurant.
0:19
Matter of fact, when I leave here,
0:21
I got to go do a taste test for the chef.
0:23
-Dude. That's fantastic.
0:24
Have you always wanted to do a restaurant?
0:26
-I never thought I was going to be opening up restaurants
0:28
and driving Ferraris.
0:30
I never thought of that. -Yeah.
0:31
-I never seen this coming. -No.
0:33
-I thought I was going to be either in the NFL
0:36
or run at the Olympics
0:38
against Carl Lewis.
0:40
I thought I was going to run against Carl Lewis.
0:43
-You didn't run? No, you never...
0:44
Did you ever meet Carl Lewis?
0:46
-I ain't never met no Carl. [ Laughter ]
0:48
-But, dude, actually, you did play football, I know.
0:51
-I did play football. -This is a picture that we have of you.
0:53
This is you playing football. -That was an 85-yard touchdown
0:55
against Kennedy High School.
0:57
Really? -80... 85.
0:59
-No way. -Yeah. It was nice, man.
1:01
I get that from my biological father,
1:03
Tony Dorsett.
1:05
[ Laughter ]
1:07
-Sounds like a good guy. -I heard Taylor Swift like ballplayers.
1:10
[ Laughter and cheers ]
1:11
I'm about to throw the cleats back on, man.
1:14
Taylor! Holla at your boy! -No, no, no.
1:17
-I love you, Taylor!
1:18
-Tracy, you are not afraid to speak your mind,
1:20
And you always have a strong point of view on things.
1:22
So I thought right now you could help some people out there
1:24
with big life decisions.
1:26
It's time for Life Coach with Tracy Morgan.
1:28
Here we go. [ Cheers and applause ]
1:30
-♪ Life Coach with Tracy Morgan ♪
1:35
-All right, uh, you're gonna give some tough advice.
1:38
-Okay. -Right?
1:39
-Yeah. -Here we go. How about this one?
1:47
-Say, "Well, me and you going as Jada
1:49
and Tupac."
1:51
[ Laughter ]
1:52
You Jada, I'm Tupac.
1:54
Don't worry about it. Will don't mind.
1:56
[ Laughter ]
2:02
-Oh, man, you didn't read that...
2:04
Did you read that book?
2:05
-Yeah, I read the book, man.
2:07
It's called... What is it called?
2:08
What's the name of the book? -"Worthy," I think.
2:09
-"Worthy"? -Yes.
2:11
-It should be called "Let's Kick Will Smith in the Nuts."
2:13
-Okay. All right.
2:14
[ Laughter ]
2:16
All right, this one.
2:30
-First off, I don't even care about his feelings.
2:32
You ain't coming in my house.
2:34
[ Laughter ]
2:35
Until I get my money back.
2:37
-That's right.
2:38
You look good, bud.
2:40
-Always good. Thank you, baby.
2:41
-You do. You look great.
2:43
How are you staying in shape these days?
2:44
-Well, that's Ozempic.
2:46
-Oh.
2:48
-Yeah, but I've learned to eat --
2:49
I out-ate Ozempic. I gained 40 pounds.
2:52
-Oh, really? -Yeah, I gained 40.
2:54
-I've never heard of anyone gaining 40 pounds.
2:56
-This is not my first job.
2:57
I used to be a trainer.
2:58
-Oh, I didn't know that.
2:59
-I used to be a physical trainer.
3:01
And one time I was training this lady,
3:03
I was working out, stretching her lower half, and she farted.
3:06
That was enough to make me quit. [ Laughter ]
3:08
That was enough to make me quit.
3:10
I said, "The way this smell,
3:12
I'm gonna have to raise your rates."
3:14
[ Laughter ]
3:17
-I didn't know that.
3:18
-That was enough. -I didn't know that.
3:20
-Mm, I ain't going back in that room.
3:22
-So, Tracy's doing stand-up right now.
3:24
-Sometimes. -Yeah.
3:25
You're doing stand-up and then also...
3:26
-You know what I'm gonna have for dinner tonight?
3:28
Lasagna.
3:29
I'm gonna make lasagna. I just wanted to say that.
3:32
[ Laughter ]
3:33
-Are you good at...?
3:34
-Want everybody to know I'm gonna eat for dinner tonight.
3:36
-You're making lasagna?
3:37
-I'm making me some lasagna.
3:38
I'm gonna make it. -You know how to do that?
3:40
-Yeah, I know how to cook.
3:41
I got a cookbook.
3:43
I got a cookbook in Barnes and Noble.
3:45
I cook.
3:46
-It's a very interesting look.
3:48
I love it. What's going on here?
3:51
-I'm competing. What you think?
3:54
-I didn't... -Olympics.
3:56
-You're in the Olympics? -Yeah.
3:57
-Oh, my gosh. Congratulations. -I called him and told 'em
4:00
I wanted my medals now,
4:02
before I get to Paris.
4:04
Because I'm selling these.
4:06
I'm from the streets. -Yeah.
4:08
So you get your medals before you even go to the Olympics?
4:10
-Yep. -Oh, my gosh.
4:13
You look fantastic.
4:14
Are you training right now? -Training?
4:17
What it look like?
4:18
I'm in the best shape of my life.
4:20
[ Laughter ]
4:22
-What...? -I'm competing in a...
4:24
knish and roast beef contest.
4:27
They tried to disqualify me from roast beef,
4:29
but somebody got some money.
4:31
-Yeah.
4:33
A knish and roast beef contest?
4:36
Oh, my God. -There's a new event.
4:38
-I love that. -I started it.
4:40
[ Laughter ]
4:42
-Knish, and also roast beef.
4:44
Now, you might actually bring home the gold.
4:46
-I started an OnlyFans page.
4:48
-Oh, this is -- this is smart. -I started an OnlyFans.
4:50
You get to see me in my boxers with my New York Knick hat on.
4:54
But if you want to see my feet, especially after the accident,
4:58
it's going to run you another $19.99.
5:00
-Okay. All right. Yeah, I understand.
5:01
Now you, uh...
5:03
[ Clears throat ] I'll do it.
5:05
We're in the middle of an unprecedented heat wave
5:08
here in New York. -Oh, my goodness.
5:09
It is hot out there, y'all!
5:10
-It is hot. I mean...
5:12
-It is hotter than my father's scrotum pouch.
5:15
[ Laughter ]
5:17
You know how hot it was swimming around
5:19
in his pouch as a sperm cell?
5:20
It was hot!
5:22
And I live in an affluent neighborhood in New Jersey.
5:25
And I turned the fire hydrant on in my neighborhood.
5:28
And my neighbors came out and they said,
5:30
"What's going on, Tracy? Is there a fire?"
5:32
I said, "Yes.
5:34
In my pants."
5:35
[ Laughter ]
5:36
-Are you, uh...? -Somebody getting pregnant.
5:38
-All right. Look. Are you, uh...?
5:40
-I love my babies.
5:42
-Are you, um...?
5:43
-I love my babies, man.
5:45
-This is not AI, right?
5:47
This is real. -I don't even know.
5:48
I'm scared of AI. You ain't see "The Terminator"?
5:50
[ Laughter ]
5:52
I don't even know how to turn the computer off.
5:54
If it start making noise, I just pull the plug out.
5:57
[ Laughter ]
5:59
I'm old school. What you want? -I know, I know.
6:02
-Welcome back to "MmHmm!"
6:04
I'm talking with this guy.
6:06
Who are you and why are you here?
6:09
-Well, uh, my name is Mark Hamlin,
6:11
and I'm hosting a local bake-off this weekend.
6:14
-MmHmm.
6:17
-So, yeah, I'm hosting a baking competition
6:20
down at Bullard High School to support the local ROTC.
6:24
-MmHmm.
6:29
-We have 14 bakers competing.
6:32
-MmHmm!
6:35
-And, um, they have two hours to create something delicious
6:39
with the secret ingredient, which is jelly.
6:43
-MmMmHmm MmHmm!
6:45
Hmm!
6:48
-Do you -- Do you bake?
6:49
-MmHmm!
6:52
-Are you a good baker?
6:54
-Mm mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!
6:56
Mmm-mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm-mmm-hmm.
6:59
Mmmmmmmm!
7:01
Mnnnnnnhhhhh!
7:05
Mnnnnnnhhh!
7:08
Hmmmmmmmm!
7:10
MmMmHmm!
7:11
MmMmMmHmm!
7:14
Hmmmmmmmm?
7:17
Hmmmm?
7:20
Mmmmmmm!
7:21
Mnnnnnnnnhhh!
7:24
Mmm!
7:27
-Mnh. -Mnh!
7:30
MmMmMm! Mnh!
7:32
-Hmm? -Hmm!
7:34
-MmMmMmMm? -MmMmMmMm!
7:36
-MmMmMmMm? -Mmmmmm!
7:39
-Mnh! Mnh! -Mnh! Mnh!
7:41
-Mm-ohh-ohh! -MmMm!
7:43
-Ohh-ohh-ohh! -Mnh! Mnh-mnh-mnh.
7:45
-Ohh-ohh-ohh-ohh!
7:47
-Hmm! Hmm! Hmm! -Ohh-ohh!
7:50
-Hmm! Hmm! -Ohh! Ohh!
7:53
Ohh! Mm-hmm! -Mnh! Mnh!
7:54
-Ohh! Eee! Hoy! Hee!
7:58
-Hee-ho. -Hee-ho.
7:59
MmMmMm. -Yo-ho-ho.
8:01
-Yeeeee-ho. -Yee-haw!
8:03
-Hmm! -Na-hee-haw!
8:04
-Heh-heh! Da-hee-haw. -Da-hee-haw.
8:07
-Ah-hee-haw. -Da-hee-haw.
Tracy Morgan Wants to Start an OnlyFans Page, Gives Life Advice and Out-Ate Ozempic | Tonight Show - Video học tiếng Anh
