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0:00Vanessa:
"Oh, that must
0:00have been hard. Do you want to talk about
it?" If I said this to you, would you go,
0:07"Yes. Maybe. I don't know"? Well, don't worry.
Today, I'm going to help you talk about your
0:15feelings in English. This is not the easiest
thing to do in your native language either,
0:20but I want to help you level up your
English-speaking skills and not just talk
0:25about the same basic boring topics, but about
complex and important topics as well. Hi, I'm
0:32Vanessa from SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com. And like
always, I have created a free PDF worksheet where
0:39you can learn all of today's important vocabulary
questions, definitions, sample sentences,
0:46and you can see the sample conversation so that
you can practice using what you've learned today.
0:52You can click on the link in the description
to download this free PDF worksheet today.
0:57All right, before we get started, I have to say
something. If you want to get closer with your
1:02friends and family, you need to be vulnerable with
them. This is something that I struggle with. So
1:09this lesson is for me and it's for you. This means
that you need to talk about difficult things,
1:16about your feelings, try to get deeper in your
relationship with them. So in today's lesson,
1:22we're going to start by talking about how
you can express your feelings, especially
1:28negative feelings. Because I feel like in some
cultures, we often try to glaze over difficult
1:35feelings. Maybe you had a really hard time and
you say, "Well, but I'm doing better now." Well,
1:41sometimes it's important to talk about those
difficult feelings. I want to give you the words
1:45to say that in English. And then in the second
part of this vocabulary lesson, you are going to
1:51learn how to respond when one of your friends
or family members talks about their feelings.
1:58Because the reciprocal part is that you need to
be able to be open to hearing when your friends
2:05and family are vulnerable with you. What should
you say to them? How can you encourage them to
2:10continue sharing their feelings with you?
And you can seem empathetic and kind. Well,
2:16in this lesson, I will also help give
you the words so that you can respond
2:20kindly to your friends and family. And
finally, at the end of this lesson,
2:25you're going to have a chance to practice
speaking with me about your feelings. So
2:30pay attention. It's going to be your turn soon.
Let's get started by talking about some important
2:35vocabulary where you are going to talk about your
feelings. Let's imagine that you've been going
2:40through a hard time. You've been working really
hard at your job and you thought that you would
2:46get the promotion that you really wanted, and
then it turns out someone else got the promotion.
2:53This is really disappointing and you feel like
it's not a good idea to keep it inside. You want
2:58to talk to someone about it. So you call your best
friend and you say this, "Hey, can we talk? Hey,
3:05can we talk about something?" This is a good way
to introduce talking about a difficult feeling
3:11that you have, especially if you don't really
feel comfortable talking about difficult feelings,
3:16you're kind of getting their permission. Is this
something that's okay to ask you about? "Hey,
3:21can we talk about something?" And if they're
a good friend, of course they'll say, "Yeah,
3:25what's going on?" So let me give you some
next expressions you can say. You might say,
3:30"I just need to vent." Do you know what
a vent is? This is a vent in your car.
3:37That's where all the air comes out and it
blows out without much filter or blockages.
3:46So when you need to vent, that means that you are
just going to share everything that comes out. I
3:53just need to tell you all the difficult
things that have been happening at work,
3:57and you vent to them. I often say to my friends
after I vent, "Hey, thanks for letting me vent."
4:04It feels good sometimes. If you didn't get the
promotion that you thought you were going to get,
4:10you might say something like this,
"I'm feeling really frustrated," or,
4:15"I'm feeling a bit down lately." Down means sad.
Or, "I've been feeling a bit lost." Usually we
4:23use this term lost to describe a career goal that
you thought you had and it's not exactly what you
4:30thought it would be. You thought you could work
hard, maybe get the attention of your manager and
4:35boss and get a promotion, but when it didn't
line up like that, you might feel a bit lost.
4:41What do I do now? I thought if I worked hard,
I would get the promotion and now I'm lost. I
4:46don't know what to do. When you're having a
hard time, the next expression's a good one.
4:51I'm in a funk or I'm in a rut. A rut is
like a little dip in the road. It's not a
4:59great place. If you are in a funk or in a rut,
it means you're having a hard time progressing
5:05and moving past the difficult time that
you're in. So when you tell your friend this,
5:10"I've really just been in a rut lately and I don't
know how to get out of it," your friend might give
5:15you some suggestions like, "Hey, why don't we
just go for a hike and get out in nature and you
5:20can vent and maybe you'll have some clarity after
that." That would be what a good friend would do.
5:26Or you might say, "I feel really frustrated when
I work hard and I don't get the promotion that
5:31I thought I would." Or you could use this in
a positive way and tell your friend, "I feel
5:36relieved when I can talk to you about difficult
things. I feel happy. I feel relieved. I feel
5:43frustrated when I don't get the promotion. I feel
relieved when I can talk to you." This is a great
5:50way to express your feelings. Or you might say,
"It's hard when other people get a promotion and I
5:57don't. It's hard when I thought I was going to get
the visa to go to the US and I just got denied.
6:04What am I supposed to do now? I feel so lost." Or
you could say, "It's like I do all the work and
6:10other people get promoted." Or, "I just feel like
I do all the work and other people get promoted."
6:17This is a great phrase to use when you're venting,
6:20when you're going through a hard time and
you just need to get it all out. I just
6:24feel like I do all the work and no one else
is doing stuff and I don't get the promotion.
6:30I'm so frustrated. After you have shared
everything, after you have vented, you might say,
6:38"Thank you. I feel like I can be myself when
I'm with you." This is a beautiful compliment.
6:45If someone says this to you, cherish that person.
I feel like I can be myself with you. You don't
6:52need to put up any walls or barriers or pretend. I
feel like I can be myself with you. And after you
7:00have vented, you might even say this, "Thanks
so much for letting me get that off my chest."
7:07When you're going through a hard time,
it feels like a weight is on your body.
7:10A weight's on your shoulders, a weight
is on your chest. And when you speak,
7:16"I feel like a weight was lifted." And you
could tell your friend, "Thanks for letting
7:22me get that off my chest. Thanks for letting
me vent. I feel so much better now." All right,
7:27so now we have just talked about when you are
going through a hard time, but what happens if
7:32your friend is going through a hard time and your
friend is telling you... Your friend's venting to
7:37you about what's going on. How can you reply?
What kind of little phrases can you use so that
7:43your friend feels supported and your friend
knows that you truly care? Let's talk about
7:49those. If you notice that your friend isn't
doing that well, you might say something kind
7:54like this. "Are you feeling all right? You don't
seem like yourself. Are you feeling all right?"
8:01Notice my tone of voice. I'm not accusing
them, "Are you feeling all right?" No. Instead,
8:06I'm really soft and empathetic. "Are
you feeling all right? You don't seem
8:10like yourself lately." And when they say,
"Oh, I just didn't get the promotion that
8:15I wanted," you might say to them a very kind
question, "Do you want to talk about it?" You
8:20are opening the door and letting them know,
"I'm willing to hear what's going on and to
8:25listen to you. You don't need to feel worried
about venting to me. Do you want to talk about
8:30it?" And when they tell you they did not get the
promotion that they wanted, you can use one of
8:35my favorite empathetic phrases that I use in
conversations all the time. It's this, "That
8:41must have been really frustrating." That must
have been really annoying, really aggravating,
8:50really surprising. This wonderful advanced
verb tense you can use, that must have been.
8:58You're kind of assuming what
kind of emotion they might have,
9:02and you're empathizing with that emotion. "Oh,
that must have been really frustrating. Oh,
9:08that must have been really surprising. You worked
so hard and you didn't get the promotion. That
9:13must have been..." You can use this too.
A question that you can ask your friend
9:17who's going through a hard time is this, "What
can I do to support you?" Maybe they'll say,
9:24"Oh, nothing, but thanks for letting me vent."
Okay. Sometimes just letting someone vent is
9:29a great way to support them. But I recommend
asking this because you never know what they
9:33might say. Maybe they have another stressor
on their mind and they'd like to tell you
9:37about it. In my experience, when I'm talking to
someone about a hard time, the other person or
9:43sometimes me feels uncomfortable talking about
negative feelings and negative experiences.
9:50So you can use this expression to encourage
your friend. If your friend says, "Oh, we
9:55don't need to talk about this," or, "Oh, this is
too depressing, we don't need to talk about it."
9:59Well, it is important to talk about. So you could
say this. "No, don't bottle it up. Don't keep it
10:05inside. Let's talk about it." This idea of a
bottle and closing the lid and keeping those
10:11negative feelings inside. Don't bottle it.
It here is negative feelings. Don't bottle
10:17it up. Don't keep it inside. It's not a good
idea because you'll probably explode at some
10:23point. It's important to vent to get it
out. So you're encouraging your friend,
10:30"Hey, it's okay. Don't bottle it up. This
is healthy and important." And finally,
10:35when you're done having that feeling
of rich conversation with your friend,
10:39you could say, "Thanks for sharing that with
me." This is a good conclusion that lets them
10:45know you really care and you're glad that
they shared something difficult with you.
10:50It deepens your friendship, and here, you're
acknowledging that. "Thanks for sharing that
10:54with me. That means a lot." All right, now that
you just learned a lot of feeling expressions for
11:00you to talk about your difficult feelings and
for you to hear and respond to your friend's
11:06difficult feelings, now it's time to take a look
at a sample conversation between my husband,
11:11Dan and I, as we talk about our feelings. I
want you to pay attention. Listen for some
11:15of the key phrases that you just learned,
because after that sample conversation,
11:20it will be your turn to speak with me
about your feelings. Dun, dun, dun. Are
11:26you ready? All right, let's watch
that sample conversation first.
11:29Hey, Dan, are you doing all right?
You don't seem quite yourself today.
11:34really. Can I talk to you
about something actually?
11:36Vanessa:
Of course. What's up?
11:39there's this thing at work and I worked really
hard at it and my coworkers got all the credit
11:43for it. They didn't do anything. I feel like
the more work I do, the less recognition I get.
11:50Vanessa:
That must be so
11:51frustrating. It's hard when you work hard
on something and no one seems to notice.
11:57I just feel like if I say anything,
they're going to think I'm complaining.
12:00Vanessa:
Yeah, I get that. But don't
12:02bottle it up. You might stay mad at your boss and
coworkers and you might be distracted at work.
12:08a good point. Well, thanks for
letting me get that off my chest.
12:12Vanessa:
No problem.
12:13Thanks for telling me. I really appreciate
it. I had no idea work was so stressful.
12:17Dan:
Thanks. Well, I got to go. I'll see you later.
12:20Vanessa:
See you later. All right,
12:22now it's your turn to speak with me about your
feelings. Don't bottle it up, get it out and vent.
12:29I am going to be your friend today and you are
going to be sharing with me something difficult
12:35that is happening now or that has happened in
the past in your life. So I want you to take
12:41a deep breath and during this conversation,
I will ask a question and then pause. And my
12:46magic teacher ears will hear you around the
world no matter where you are. So make sure
12:51that you speak out loud. If you need to pause
so that you can speak longer, that's totally
12:56fine. If you need to review and go back to this
section again and again to practice, go ahead
13:01and do it. That's the great thing about learning
English online. All right, are you ready? Let's
13:06talk about your feelings. Hey, are you feeling
all right? You don't seem like yourself lately.
13:24That must've been really hard. So here you
can continue to tell me about the difficult
13:29time that you're having. What can I do to
support you? Well, thanks so much for sharing
13:53that with me. I'm glad you didn't bottle
it up. I really appreciate it. All right,
13:59great work talking about a negative feeling
in English. This is not an easy thing to do
14:04in any language, but hear you're leveling
up your speaking skills. Great work. Well,
14:09don't forget to download the free PDF worksheet
so that you can remember all of these important
14:15and difficult feeling expressions in English,
definitions, sample sentences. And on this
14:21worksheet, you can see the transcript of the
conversation that I had with my husband, Dan,
14:26and the sample conversation that you and I
had so that you can write out your answers,
14:30read them out loud, practice them so that
you can really deepen your English skills.
14:35Don't forget to download this. You can
click on the link in the description to
14:39download this free PDF worksheet today. It
is my gift to you. And now I have a question
14:44for you. Tell me in the comments how are
you feeling today? And don't worry about
14:49sharing a negative feeling. It's totally
fine. I want to support you and thank you
14:54for sharing it. Let me know in the comments
and I'll read what you have to say. Well,
14:58thanks so much for learning English with me and
I'll see you again next Friday for a new lesson
15:02here on my YouTube channel. Bye. But wait, do
you want more? I recommend watching this video
15:09next where you will learn to speak in English
about sleep, including is sleeping like a baby
15:16a good thing or a bad thing in English. You'll
find out there and I'll see you in that lesson.
