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Why some couples are happier living apart - Video học tiếng Anh
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Why some couples are happier living apart
Why some couples are happier living apart
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Subtitles (202)
0:00
this dream house you and I will share.
0:03
>> For generations, we've been taught that
0:04
if you want to move a relationship
0:06
forward, you have to follow a specific
0:08
set of steps. Meet someone, fall in
0:11
love, and eventually move in together.
0:14
Because moving in is a signal that the
0:16
relationship is serious. But a growing
0:18
number of couples are opting out of that
0:20
last step. This is Mike and this is
0:23
Susan. They've been together for 23
0:26
years, but they've never lived together
0:29
and they don't plan to. The arrangement
0:31
has a name, living apart together, or
0:33
lat, and it's more common than you might
0:36
think. Between 2000 and 2019, the number
0:39
of married couples living separately,
0:41
rose by more than 25%.
0:43
>> It is an increasingly popular lifestyle
0:46
choice for people past a certain age,
0:49
generally in their 60s, who are retired.
0:51
So, if sharing a home is the ultimate
0:53
sign of love and commitment, why are
0:55
some couples deciding not to do it at
0:57
all? And does living together actually
0:59
improve relationships? Or does it turn
1:01
lovers into roommates?
1:10
>> Hey there.
1:11
>> Hey. How you been?
1:13
>> I'm good.
1:17
This is probably when we I was I know I
1:20
wore this dress when we were first
1:21
dating, right?
1:22
>> Yeah, I think so. Susan and I met
1:24
because we worked at the same school
1:26
>> and he was the school psychologist
1:27
there. I was a teacher.
1:29
>> We were pretty good friends for a long
1:31
time and then found out we got divorced
1:33
at the same time. So, we were like,
1:36
"Hey, maybe we should hang out
1:37
together."
1:38
>> He asked me out to a
1:41
street festival.
1:42
>> I remember exactly what she looked like.
1:44
I could I remember the sweater she was
1:46
wearing
1:47
>> and I finally confessed. I said, "I have
1:50
always thought you were handsome."
1:53
>> It just seemed right right from the
1:55
start.
1:56
>> In those early days, Mike and Susan
1:58
decided not to move in together for one
2:00
main reason. Mike had two teenagers at
2:02
home.
2:03
>> She loves my kids and always has always
2:05
been wonderful with them, but she did
2:07
not want to be a stepmother.
2:08
>> I just wanted them to not feel
2:10
pressured. Right from the start, it it
2:13
worked out for us to not live together.
2:15
>> And by the time the kids were getting
2:17
ready to move out for college,
2:19
>> we had been together for five or 6 years
2:21
already.
2:22
>> They realized they didn't need to change
2:23
anything. And over time, the arrangement
2:26
just worked.
2:27
>> Well, you know, if it's not broken, why
2:29
fix it?
2:31
>> It might sound a little unorthodox, but
2:33
Mike and Susan's arrangement isn't that
2:35
unusual anymore, especially later in
2:38
life. Sarah Pollson and Holland Taylor
2:40
are doing it. So are Cheryl Lee Ralph
2:42
and her husband, Pennsylvania State
2:44
Senator Vincent Hughes.
2:46
>> When I go to see him, love to see him.
2:48
When it's time to leave, bye-bye. See
2:50
you soon.
2:51
>> But that doesn't mean everyone accepts
2:53
it.
2:53
>> We got a lot of resistance and questions
2:55
from people we knew. Especially in
2:58
Texas, people don't understand.
3:00
>> For years, Mike and Susan didn't have a
3:02
name for what they were doing until Mike
3:04
found something surprising. a Facebook
3:06
group with thousands of couples just
3:08
like them.
3:10
>> So, I sent that right away to Susan and
3:13
said, "Hey, look at this. There's an
3:15
actual name for what we're doing, and
3:17
it's called a partnering."
3:19
>> Modern love has changed dramatically
3:21
over the last century. In the 1960s, the
3:24
average American got married in their
3:26
early 20s. Today, it's closer to 30, and
3:29
people are getting divorced later, too.
3:31
The divorce rate for adults over 50 has
3:34
doubled since the 1990s, a trend known
3:36
as gray divorce.
3:38
>> And so you have a lot more older single
3:40
people, but they might not want to live
3:43
with a romantic partner because a lot of
3:46
them feel like, well, been there, done
3:48
that.
3:48
>> And by the time they're in their 50s and
3:50
60s, most people have built lives that
3:53
already work for them.
3:54
>> Particularly if you're older and you're
3:56
kind of set in your ways. They have
3:57
their health care providers close by,
4:00
maybe their children, their
4:01
grandchildren. But there's another
4:02
reason this trend is growing. For most
4:04
of modern history, marriage wasn't about
4:07
love. It was an economic arrangement.
4:09
Women in the US couldn't even open a
4:11
bank account or get credit without a
4:13
husband until the 1970s. Today, women
4:16
don't need to depend on a partner for
4:18
financial reasons. And many don't want
4:20
to take on the role that used to come
4:21
with that either. I don't have to take
4:24
on all the the domestic chores. If I
4:28
don't feel like cooking, you know, I
4:29
don't.
4:30
>> I'm probably not quite as clean as Susan
4:34
would prefer. I'll tend to put stuff off
4:36
and I'm like, get around to it sooner or
4:38
later. That kind of thing would drive
4:40
her nuts.
4:41
>> And with fewer shared chores and more
4:43
personal space, each person gets to keep
4:46
something that a lot of relationships
4:48
chip away at, their independence.
4:51
We had a a bunch of questions that we
4:53
asked people like, "If you could bring
4:56
the best of being single into the best
4:59
of being romantically partnered, what
5:02
would it be?" And it was freedom.
5:05
>> This is my living room, my main living
5:07
space. And then my record collection,
5:10
which
5:12
I've got all over the house, so I've got
5:16
records in in every room. I listen to
5:19
music pretty much
5:22
almost almost non-stop all day. I
5:25
collect turntables, too. I've got seven
5:28
different turntables, I think.
5:32
>> You know, after working so many years,
5:35
um, being able to just sit on the couch,
5:38
put on a record. Um, I like to put on
5:42
like YouTube travel videos, spin record
5:45
after record. I can do that all day
5:46
long. Um, and that to me is just that's
5:50
that's pure pleasure for me.
5:52
>> He likes his jazz. He likes to play his
5:53
jazz loud. I would want to be watching
5:55
documentaries and have it a little bit
5:57
more quiet and subdued. Got my this is
5:59
my sketchbook where I just try a lot of
6:01
different things. I've found out that I
6:05
can do some art. So, I've really gotten
6:07
interested in that and I'm always doing
6:10
that several days a week after a long
6:12
day of classes. you know, it's it's just
6:14
easier to come home and decompress. Um,
6:19
do your art by yourself listening to the
6:21
music, you know, that I'm going to
6:22
listen to. Living together means shared
6:25
space, shared routines, constant access.
6:28
But desire requires the opposite.
6:30
Separateness, longing, mystery.
6:34
>> I'm still a mystery to you.
6:35
>> As mysterious as life itself. I do think
6:38
that living apart makes things more
6:42
exciting when we meet up.
6:43
>> You know, still after 23 years when I
6:46
haven't s seen Susan and we're going to
6:48
get together for a date, just the
6:50
anticipation of her driving up my street
6:52
and up my driveway just I can feel
6:55
little butterflies in my stomach.
6:56
>> Living apart together isn't for
6:58
everyone. It can be harder financially
7:00
and as people age, health and caretaking
7:03
situations change. But what matters is
7:05
knowing that it's an option because
7:07
we're living in an age when we no longer
7:09
have to follow a script for what love
7:11
and partnership should look like.
7:13
>> We are lucky that we are in the position
7:15
that we are in that we can pull this
7:18
off. I just think it's the it's the best
7:21
of both worlds. We have our togetherness
7:24
and we really appreciate that, but we
7:26
also have our separate lives. And to be
7:28
able to have both of those and to fit it
7:31
together is just I couldn't be happier
7:35
with the way it's worked out.
