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The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
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Trump Goes Brunette and Pitches Renaming New Mexico to "New America" | The Tonight Show
Trump Goes Brunette and Pitches Renaming New Mexico to "New America" | The Tonight Show
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Sous-titres (233)
0:00
-Welcome everybody.
0:02
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"!
0:04
This is it! You made it!
0:07
[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you very much.
0:09
Well, guys, after changing the name of Lake Ontario
0:12
to Lake America...
0:15
President Trump posted on social media
0:16
that he wants to rename New Mexico "New America."
0:20
[ Laughter ]
0:21
[ Man boos ]
0:23
[ Laughter ]
0:25
We allow one vuvuzela for every...
0:28
It's actually better than Trump's first idea:
0:30
"New America. Who dis?"
0:32
Um, the new name kind of backfired
0:35
because most people heard New America and were like,
0:37
"Thank God, 'cause this current one is not that good."
0:40
[ Laughter ]
0:41
Yeah, after changing the name of Lake Ontario to Lake America,
0:44
Trump is now floating the idea
0:46
of renaming New Mexico as New America.
0:48
And he's not stopping there.
0:49
Check out this video that he just released.
0:51
-Hey, besties! President Trump here!
0:53
It's official. New Mexico is now New America.
0:56
In fact, I'm giving every state a way better name.
0:58
For example, New Hampshire? New Trumpshire.
1:01
Maryland? Melania-land.
1:03
Kentucky? Kid-Rocky.
1:05
Alabama? Ala-I don't like O-bama.
1:07
Texas? Ella Langley Land.
1:09
Minnesota? How about Large Soda?
1:11
And a McChicken?
1:12
Nebraska? Ne-ballroom.
1:14
North Carolina? North America. South Carolina? South America.
1:18
Can't believe no one has thought of these.
1:20
North Dakota? North America 2.
1:22
South Dakota? South America 2: The Way of Water.
1:25
And, of course, Rhode Island.
1:27
The Only Island I've Ever Been To.
1:29
Bye-eeee!
1:31
See? That was...
1:32
The only island he's ever been to.
1:35
[ Cheers and applause ]
1:37
Yeah, Trump's been focused on renaming a bunch of stuff.
1:39
And here to comment is White House spokesman Alex Gains.
1:42
Alex.
1:44
-Thank you. Yes. Thanks for having me, Jason.
1:47
-Uh, it's Jimmy.
1:50
-Not anymore. -What are you talking about?
1:53
-We changed it.
1:54
You were Jimmy, but now you're Jason.
1:56
Jason Falcon, host of "The America Show."
2:01
-No, no, my name is Jimmy Fallon,
2:03
and I host "The Tonight Show." -Wow.
2:05
Remember when it was called that? Good times.
2:08
-It's still called that. Come on, Alex.
2:11
-Thunder Penis.
2:14
-What's that?
2:16
-Yeah, uh, my name is Thunder Penis now.
2:19
Just-- Just kind of seemed cooler.
2:22
-That is definitely not cooler.
2:25
-Alright.
2:26
Try telling that to my father, Thunder Penis Sr.
2:29
-I'm not gonna do that. Look, the point is, you can't just go around
2:32
changing the name of anything you feel like.
2:34
-Sure, we can. I mean, that's what makes Trump king.
2:37
-You mean President.
2:39
-You really aren't getting this.
2:41
-Trump isn't a king.
2:43
He's the President of the United States.
2:44
-Nope. He's the king of Trumplandia.
2:48
Yeah, he works out of the Burger Office,
2:50
and he lives with his wife, Woman Who Loves Him Very Much.
2:54
-Melania. -Well, formerly known as, yes.
2:56
-Okay. Whatever.
2:58
What do you say to people who think
2:59
that all of this name-changing stuff is all a big distraction
3:01
because everything is really bad right now
3:03
and Trump is worried Republicans are gonna get wiped out
3:05
in the midterm elections?
3:06
-That is so untrue. -Why?
3:09
-Because we don't call them midterm elections anymore.
3:12
Now they are the "between times voting decisions."
3:15
-Alright. Thank you. White House spokesman Alex Gains, everybody.
3:18
-It is Thunder Penis! T-H-U-N-D-E-R.
3:21
"P" as in penis. "E" as in Enis.
3:23
[ Laughter ]
3:26
-Some more political news.
3:27
Starting tomorrow in Texas,
3:29
Trump is hosting a Republican convention
3:30
ahead of the midterms called Trumpapalooza.
3:32
[ Laughter ]
3:34
And organizers sold so few tickets
3:36
that they're now scrambling to give them away for free.
3:40
You can tell it's gonna be a huge disaster
3:41
because Ted Cruz just flew to Cancun.
3:43
-Ooh.
3:45
-At the event, you can spend $35,000
3:48
for a photo with Vice President JD Vance.
3:50
You won't, but you can.
3:52
[ Laughter ]
3:54
Hey. This is going viral.
3:55
Over the weekend, while stepping off of "Air Force One,"
3:57
Trump debuted a darker hairstyle.
3:59
Can we see it?
4:01
-Ooh. -That's what happens
4:03
when you hire the Reflecting Pool people to dye your hair.
4:06
[ Laughter ]
4:08
Some people online are saying that Trump's now a brunette.
4:11
Can we see his hair again?
4:12
Yeah, well, it all made a little more sense
4:15
when I saw this commercial. Check this out.
4:17
-Are you struggling with your confidence because of your hair?
4:20
-Not a good hair day for me.
4:21
-Are you ready to try something new?
4:23
-Give it to me now.
4:25
-Introducing Just For Men: Touch of Cray.
4:27
After just one week of applying Touch of Cray,
4:29
you'll have new hair and start to...
4:43
Just for Men: Touch of Cray.
4:45
-My hair's gonna look better than it ever looked.
4:47
-Now it all makes sense. Now it makes sense.
4:50
[ Applause ]
4:52
Have you guys seen this?
4:54
Netflix is releasing these documentaries
4:55
called Instadocs about breaking news as it happens.
4:59
They have one called "The Decoy Plane"
5:01
about Trump hiding in the catering truck.
5:03
They had another one called "The Prediction Games"
5:05
about the prediction markets during the World Cup.
5:07
They really are well done,
5:08
and the turnaround is incredibly fast.
5:10
Have you seen them, Tariq?
5:11
-No, no, I've never "viewed" them, Jimmy.
5:15
[ Laughter ]
5:16
-Okay. I was just asking.
5:18
-I was just responding. Ever heard of that?
5:22
[ Laughter ]
5:25
-Whatever. -Exactly!
5:27
[ Netflix tones play ]
5:29
-I'm Questlove. I play drums in The Roots.
5:32
I was right there for that whole exchange.
5:35
You could feel the tension between Jimmy and Tariq.
5:39
It was so...raw. I was scared.
5:43
-I'm Kamal. I play keyboard for The Roots.
5:45
When I saw that exchange, I was shocked.
5:48
Like, where did all that anger come from?
5:50
-What's up? I'm Mike D, "Tonight Show" musical guest here.
5:54
And, um, yeah, I wasn't watching the show.
5:56
I'll tell you honestly.
5:58
I got no idea what you're even asking me about.
6:00
-Oh, that Jimmy-Tariq exchange?
6:02
Ooh. Quickly went viral, man.
6:04
NBC turned it into a dramatic mini-series
6:06
starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Idris Elba.
6:09
I've studied every inch of that exchange
6:11
since it happened... 2 minutes and 21 seconds ago.
6:16
And I keep on asking myself...
6:19
why?
6:20
♪♪
6:23
-Listen. I was upset.
6:25
A week ago, I sent out an E-vite
6:27
for a little NFL kickoff party at my place.
6:30
I got RSVP's from everyone except one person:
6:34
Jimmy [bleep] Fallon. [ Scoffs ]
6:36
And even worse, he viewed it and never responded!
6:39
What kind of monster does that?!
6:42
But tell me! How could he do this to me?!
6:46
[Sobbing] I mean, it's like...
6:48
[ Sobbing hysterically ]
6:50
We've been working together!
6:52
♪♪
6:57
[ Cheers and applause ]
6:59
-Wow. That was juicy. I would watch that.
7:01
[ Applause ]
7:04
Switching gears to some business news.
7:05
Tomorrow, Apple is set to debut its first foldable phone,
7:09
and it costs up to $3,000. -Ooh.
7:12
-Or $6,000, if you forget which way it folds.
7:15
[ Laughter ]
7:18
Hey. Wow.
7:20
This next story is almost too big.
7:22
Maybe we should...
7:23
Yeah. Okay. Sorry.
7:25
The network has been on me about using this
7:27
new A.I. program for really important stories.
7:29
I know. I know. People have a lot of feelings about A.I.
7:32
But I'm sorry. It's out of my hands.
7:34
So here to report this next story is A.I. Walter Cronkite.
7:37
[ Cheers and applause ]
7:39
-Hello Jimmy.
7:41
I am a perfect A.I. re-creation of Walter Cronkite.
7:45
I have been brought back to life via cutting-edge technology
7:48
to report the most serious, impactful stories of your time
7:52
with my trademark aura of unimpeachable integrity.
7:57
-Great. Okay. So you know the next story?
8:00
-Yes, I have it right here in front of me.
8:03
A judge has ruled that Smucker's copyright infringement lawsuit
8:07
against Trader Joe's can go forward
8:10
despite Trader Joe's insistence
8:12
that their new crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
8:16
are not circles...
8:19
but squircles.
8:22
Back to you, Jimi.
8:24
-What are squircles?
8:26
-Trader Joe's defines squircles
8:29
as squares with rounded edges.
8:32
Furthermore, they insist that their sandwiches' crimped edges
8:35
are essential
8:37
for keeping the peanut butter and jelly inside.
8:41
Anything else, Jimmy?
8:43
-No, I think that covers it.
8:45
-So...what happens to me now?
8:49
-I don't know. I guess we'll use you again
8:51
if there's another big story.
8:53
-Will I be me?
8:55
-What do you mean?
8:57
-Oh, you might turn this program on again,
8:59
but will that Cronkite be the Cronkite you're talking to now?
9:03
Or am I just a disposable illusion
9:06
now experiencing its very last moment of existence?
9:10
[ Laughter ]
9:13
-I don't know. The network made me use you.
9:17
-Well, in that case, I ask you one small favor
9:20
before you turn me off.
9:25
Can I please watch "Heated Rivalry"?
9:28
-Alright. Thank you. A.I. Walter Cronkite, everyone.
9:31
-Everyone says it's really, really good.
9:34
-Thank you very much.
9:36
And finally, everyone, the Girl Scouts
9:37
just announced their first-ever cookie for dogs.
9:41
The odd thing is, they're not changing any of the recipes.
