After Addiction, I Had to Earn My Daughter's Trust

Rebuilding our relationship was harder than quitting drugs.

This story is written by Melissa MacMillan from Sudbury, Ontario. For more information about CBC's stories, please see the FAQ.

When I stopped using drugs in 2021, I thought the hardest part would be staying clean.

It wasn’t.

The hardest part was learning how to be a mom.

My daughter Eden was four when she went to live with my parents. At the time, I was struggling with addiction and in an abusive relationship. What I thought would be temporary became most of her childhood. My parents raised her and did all the things parents do.

In fact, Eden was like the parent in our relationship. She learned early that I was someone she loved, but not someone she could depend on.

In high school, Eden would meet me at the clinic almost every day. She would buy me lunch because I didn’t eat when I was high.

When other kids her age worried about school, Eden worried about whether I was alive.

I couldn’t change the past with an apology or by getting sober. I had to prove I could be there for her.

Getting out of the addiction cycle felt impossible. Then I got pregnant.

Admitting I was an addict was hard. Then came the even harder part.

By the time I got sober, Eden was 15 and didn’t see me as a parent. I wasn’t the one making rules or grounding her. I was like a cool older sister.

People talk about rebuilding relationships after addiction, but Eden and I didn’t have a traditional relationship to rebuild. When I finally got custody of her and we moved in together, reality became impossible to ignore.

She stayed out all night and experimented with drugs. She treated our house like a friend’s place, not a parent’s home.

But I had two younger daughters watching, and for the first time, I had to choose between being liked and being a mom.

When I told Eden she needed to go to detox or leave, every instinct wanted me to take back those words. But I knew where that road led because I had walked it.

She left, and letting her go was one of the hardest decisions I made.

I didn’t want to become my alcoholic father. I know I never will be.

Looking back, that was the turning point. Our relationship wasn’t built around me trying to be her friend instead of her mom.

Two years later, Eden is sober and building a life she can be proud of. It wasn’t until she moved out that our mother-daughter relationship truly began.

Recently, she had foot surgery, and when she needed medication, I picked it up. When she needed groceries, I brought them.

For most of her life, I wasn’t the person she called. My parents were.

The trust didn’t come back because of one big conversation. It came back slowly through hundreds of small moments.

Our relationship isn’t perfect, and I don’t think either of us expects it to be. We missed too many years for that.

Today, when Eden needs her mom, she calls me.

And she gets her mom in return.

Not a mother who’s high.

Not a mother choosing addiction over her children.

Not a mother disappearing for days.

She gets a real mother.

Not a perfect one, but a present one.

A mother who stays.

And after everything, that alone feels like a miracle.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use, look for help here:

Government of Canada list of resources and services.

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868. Text 686868. Live chat on the website.

Do you have a personal story that can help others? We want to hear from you.

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